won’t i rise?


If you unlock your hell for me
with just a gentle twist of key
won't I rise with holy wind in my sails? 

Long soiled hands can wipe away
the soot and rain from our cracked mirror
if you unlock your hell for me.

What if together we nursed new life
into toothless dreams held captive?
Won't I rise with holy wind in my sails? 

But fair is fair and our tête-à-tête
requires for you, a key from me! But only
if you unlock your hell for me.

Is pride our worst sin? Or is it greed?
If I unshackle you and you free me, 
won't I rise with holy wind in my sails? 

It’s a curious thing how rising flame 
can promise birth, a new-found spring. 
If you unlock your hell for me,
won't I rise with holy wind in my sails? 

The prompt from Day 5 of NaPoWriMo challenged us to write a poem that incorporates at least one of the following: (1) the villanelle form, (2) lines taken from an outside text, and/or (3) phrases that oppose each other in some way. I tried to use all three elements. For folks unfamiliar with the villanelle form, it consists of five tercets and a quatrain with line lengths of 8-10 syllables. I chose two phrases from outside texts that felt like they were in opposition: “If you unlock your hell for me” from Our Hells by Carl Sandburg, and “Won’t I rise with holy wind in my sails?” from Lifted by Craig Morgan Teicher. Let me know if it works! It was an interesting exercise to be sure . . .
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6 thoughts on “won’t i rise?

  1. Yours flows extremely well. The opposing lines you chose are counterbalancing, and your own words paint a tale of vulnerability and tenderness.

Let me know what you think!

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