Condemn me, if you dare.
It wasn’t for lack of love, or vision, or care.
It was from overwhelming fear.
Fear of failing, fear of being less than I needed to be,
of not having what a precious new life
needed most from the inner depths of me.
Depths I feared to explore.
Grim, frightening caves filled with nightmare spiders,
Un-scaleable rocks and plummeting drops.
I wanted only the best for you . . .
the brightest shining star,
my miracle, my sunshine.
Once I took the trembling plunge
Into reluctant motherhood,
I pulled out all the stops,
driving full steam ahead,
wearing my “red letter P” brand, becoming one
of those parents others dread:
You know those others, the ones who take so seriously
a supposed civic duty to instruct, to criticize, and twist compliance
to their internal vision of how it should be between a mom and her child?
Advocacy is just another name
for the physics of pushing back
and standing firm