It’s All In How You Write the Note

Dear Jane,
I would like to take you out to the square dance this weekend.
Sincerely,
Bob
***********
Dear Bob,
I don’t own cowboy boots and I don’t know how to dance.
Regards,
Jane
***********
Dear Jane,
While I wouldn’t advise going barefoot, I think sneakers will work.
The dance starts at 7.
Dinner first?
Yours,
Bob
**********
Dear Bob,
I don’t have sneakers, either.
I am fasting for Lent.
Baptists don’t dance.
Take Sally, instead.
Yours Truly,
Jane
**********
Dear Jane,
Your continued refusal is breaking my heart.
Although I like Sally, she is not a girl I wish to dance with.
Please reconsider.
With pathetic longing,
Bob
**********
Dear Bob,
Your pathetic longing does not interest me in the least.
What part of “No” do I need to explain?
With curiosity (NOT!)
Jane
**********
Dear Sally,
Jane is worried that you might be lonely and thinks you would enjoy square dancing.
Would you like to go with me this weekend?
Yours,
Bob
**********
Dear Bob,
Jane is a goofball and so are you.
I only swing dance and I am already going with Bill.
I suggest you keep trying Jane.
Flowers? Chocolates?
Let me know how it goes!
Sally
**********
Dear Jane,
I thought you were my friend!
And then you sic Bob on me.
See if I go to the movies with you ever again!
With resentment,
Sally
**********
Dear Sally,
Sorry!
I needed to get Bob off my back because Bill and I are going dancing this weekend.
Let’s catch a movie another night.
I’ll buy the popcorn!
Your friend,
Jane
**********
Dear Jane,
You are clearly NOT my friend or you would know that Bill and I already had a date to go dancing this weekend. What else are you doing behind my back, you two-faced, lying . . .
With sobs,
Sally
**********
Dear Bob,
These girls are driving me crazy.
Let’s go get a beer and catch the game.
Sincerely,
Bill
**********
Dear Bill,
Excellent! See you at 7 at the Down and Out Brewery.
Your bro,
Bob
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